Self-Determination: the Primary Colors of Needs

The three needs of Self-Determination aren’t just important alone, or even in a group together. It’s when the three are combined, that they make something entirely new.

Primary Needs:
RED 1. Autonomy
BLUE 2. Competence
YELLOW 3. Interconnection

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Mapping Allison’s Wonderland

AllisonsWonderland
a picture drawn by Allison

Allison Bailey was one of my best friends. She died very suddenly on December 29, 2018 only 6 months ago. Recently I realized just how important our shared idea was, that she called Resource Community. Today I’m bringing the pieces together, in the name of her legacy and creating something that would have met a profound need for both of us.
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Resource Network Map [Protoype]

Here is the original design of the interactive community map tool that would later evolve into Resource Community, a collaborative map website co-founded by myself and my close friend Allison Bailey.

Parental “Discipline” Damages Kids’ Development of Self-Control

Authentic REAL discipline is a very personal and internal process, arguably in tune with the path of dissolution, culminating in enlightenment. The development of self-control in human beings happens in childhood through the kid’s independent interaction with the world around them. When people talk about “disciplining” kids it’s as an outsider coming in and hurting another person to punish them into doing something. This is so profoundly damaging, and most of all it is damaging to the kid’s inner sense of self-control and discipline.
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Self-Determination: The Path to Liberation

I’ve come to discover an archetypal root that explains the difference between liberated, peaceful people and corrupt authoritarians. The root is self-determinationThe start of self-determination is autonomy, so the individual must claim his autonomy and aim to grow his strength in acting on it. And others must respect his autonomy- making requests instead of demands, using conflict mediation instead of punishment, etc.

Self-determination involves 3 needs:
Autonomy – the agency to make decisions and own your life;
Interconnection – healthy supportive relationships; and
Competence – the skill and strength to do something really well.

All three of these mixed together creates liberation that many people can’t even comprehend, and even some of the few who have achieved it go around talking about parts of their journey that completely ignore self-determination, showing they are oblivious to it.

The real vicious truth here is that when a person lacks autonomy, and especially if they have been traumatized or damaged, they will strive for control to make up for the loss. It’s like trying to steal the autonomy of others, but many wannabe dictators don’t even realize this is the result of their actions. They just get blinded by the stress and trauma pushing them to try and make their environment clean, predictable, and in their power. It doesn’t work. Becoming intrinsically autonomous, self-determined, and skillful will give you the sense of liberation and inner peace to come to terms with the world around you, as it is.

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The High School Diploma: A Fiat Pyramid Scheme

School Pyramid Scheme
The School Pyramid Scheme: Where’s The Value?

Fiat (n): “An arbitrary or authoritative command to do something; an effectual decree.”

Fiat money is currency that a government has declared to be legal tender, but it is not backed by a physical commodity. The value of fiat money is derived from the relationship between supply and demand rather than the value of the material from which the money is made.”Investopedia

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In the Name of Youth Autonomy! Dare to Do Nothing

Here’s something amazing from the Conflict Resolution Center I now volunteer with:
 
“Conflict is often negatively attributed to adolescent development. The common belief is that the teenage brain is to blame. But the truth is, conflict is natural and inevitable and is neither positive nor negative; it is just a fact of human relationships across all age groups.”
Conflict Resolution Center (Minneapolis)
 
It’s so profound to hear this, so casually and put simply, found unexpectedly. The countless times adolescents and kids are degraded and shocking levels of abuse justified through the mythical idea that the teen and child brain(s) are somehow inferior. Yes, it takes time to develop competence and skill. Incompetence and simplicity are NEVER excuses or sensible reasons for abuse. Most people have better standards for animals than youth in this regard.
 
It’s also extremely important to recognize how much a kid or teen’s development is shockingly hindered and damaged by abuse. So ironically the problem causing so much trauma and conflict – abuse and deprivation of self-determination – is suggested as the solution. ALL human beings regardless of age need (a) autonomy, (b) competence, and (c) interconnection. If one factor is missing, this drastically inhibits the other factors.

If you want to see a young person become more (b) competent, (c) support that is (a) respectful to their choices is the balancing key. If you really can’t have a (c) healthy relationship, the best thing to do is (a) nothing at all; leave them alone. Sometimes doing nothing is a noble and profound non-act.

 
If you dare to do nothing, to interrupt the ancient cycle of suffering and abuse, I will dare to do nothing with you. And we will be contributing peace by refusing to participate in the problem.

I’m serious about this, totally dedicated. I’m not sure what it would look like, but doing nothing seems easy enough? Especially when you have a Nothing Buddy to do it together. Contact me if you need someone to do nothing with together- nemosundry@gmail.com