Hollow and Alone

So many people don’t care about each other and are hollow from isolation, yet this is a self-sustaining paradox. So often invisible. I see it very clearly, I see I could become hollow too. I don’t want to continue the cycle.

I’ve discovered, when old archaic illusions finally crumble, that doing nothing is a profound and shockingly painful choice- a pain that feels like unwilling death; a noble sacrifice quietly when instead you could be doing something toxic or evil.

Imagine if I were one less person leaving that imprint. A unique fingerprint that shows me as its author, author of spreading infectious harm and tragedy. I don’t have to do it again.

I keep looking around and the majority of both tragic and toxically destructive situations are caused by series of terrible, and blind decisions by regular people. I’ve yet to find evidence of willful evil, where someone would do it for its own sake. Even revenge has another motive; desperation for empathy – to feel their pain.

Gateways have remained pristine and closed; I will have to find another path. Maybe a path of letting go.

♦ ♣ ♦

An image captured my soul again;
it sold me to a demon I called my only friend
which tore out my heart and ripped me apart;
I said everything is as it should be
everything is as it should be

everything is as it will be,
in the end

Nemo | 7 May 2018

Prajna: Pain and Fear As Your Friend

My ego can feel like almost entirely addictiveness, and it’s a prison. I realized today after getting hooked into that prison again, in my case the prison of computer addiction, that I would rather be in a “real” prison, physically, than to be in this prison within my body and deterministic reactions. What a terrifying recognition, a kind of fear that feels like love and honesty, that allows me to fall apart. Pema feels like a long time friend, who reminds me of gratitude.

Now is the best time to surrender, to surrender again and be present. Sometimes, this is called meditation.

Jordan B. Peterson Doesn’t Understand Childhood Suffering

Books Referenced:
12 Rules for Life by Dr. Jordan B. Peterson
The Conscious Parent by Shefali Tsabary
Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
Free to Learn by Dr. Peter Gray

This article corresponds with the video but is not a verbatim transcript. For timestamps see the time [0:00] at the top of each section throughout the article. Resources are linked chronologically throughout the piece. Additional resources not mentioned in the video are included chronologically and a full list is at the bottom.
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The State Within: A Year in the Free State Project

In August of 2016 I moved to New Hampshire for the Free State Project, and the year I spent there destroyed me, I was anihilated and reborn many times. In this experience I saw the transmutation and meditation practices I’d commited to for 6 months had profoundly impacted my intrinsic strength in response to what became the worst situation of my adult life. It is in this transformation that I came to a fundamental understanding of the kinds of skills, priorities and values that freestaters absolutely need for this movement to be successful.
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The Alchemy Meditation

Presence | Recognition | Acceptance | Dedication | Playfulness | Gratitude

“So this is a basic tonglen logic: When you feel the discomfort, have the thought: ‘Other people feel this.’ And then if you want to take it a rather dramatic step further, you can say, ‘May we all be free of this’…And the most dramatic and probably most difficult step is to say: ‘Since I’m feeling this anyway, may I be feeling it so all others could be free of it.'” – Pema Chödrön on Tonglen meditation

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