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So many people don’t care about each other and are hollow from isolation, yet this is a self-sustaining paradox. So often invisible. I see it very clearly, I see I could become hollow too. I don’t want to continue the cycle.

I’ve discovered, when old archaic illusions finally crumble, that doing nothing is a profound and shockingly painful choice- a pain that feels like unwilling death; a noble sacrifice quietly when instead you could be doing something toxic or evil.

Imagine if I were one less person leaving that imprint. A unique fingerprint that shows me as its author, author of spreading infectious harm and tragedy. I don’t have to do it again.

I keep looking around and the majority of both tragic and toxically destructive situations are caused by series of terrible, and blind decisions by regular people. I’ve yet to find evidence of willful evil, where someone would do it for its own sake. Even revenge has another motive; desperation for empathy – to feel their pain.

Gateways have remained pristine and closed; I will have to find another path. Maybe a path of letting go.

♦ ♣ ♦

An image captured my soul again;
it sold me to a demon I called my only friend
which tore out my heart and ripped me apart;
I said everything is as it should be
everything is as it should be

everything is as it will be,
in the end

Nemo | 7 May 2018

My ego can feel like almost entirely addictiveness, and it’s a prison. I realized today after getting hooked into that prison again, in my case the prison of computer addiction, that I would rather be in a “real” prison, physically, than to be in this prison within my body and deterministic reactions. What a terrifying recognition, a kind of fear that feels like love and honesty, that allows me to fall apart. Pema feels like a long time friend, who reminds me of gratitude.

Now is the best time to surrender, to surrender again and be present. Sometimes, this is called meditation.

erratic energy

going mad
going crazy
it’s not so bad
but it’s the frenzy

Continue reading “organizing | c h a o s”

Continue reading “The Alchemy Meditation”

“Home is where the heart is.”

Home is not in the world somewhere. It is cultivated within you. If you build a home in the world, attachments and aversion to it must be abandoned, before the roots of home can take hold in your heart. This is called awakening through homelessness- a manifesto of taking on the transparent reality of nature, to recognize the nature of reality.

Home within rests on your consciousness embracing of the present moment. To refuse the temptation of a false house or safe space is to dedicate to the experience of homelessness, until the true home of presence and acceptance arises from within.

To put it otherwise, you will be groundless in your vulnerability until you accept vulnerability as true ground.

In the world I saw chaos, so I sought to turn it around.
But the world wasn’t working right, and so it spiraled down.
What was happening? I stopped, sat, and let it be.
The world was just fine – this chaos was in me.
Continue reading “Chaos Theory”