I know the feeling of showing up and feeling stagnant, feeling lopsided, uncomfortable, pain, being overwhelmed. I know the tension of showing up vulnerably in person after being scarred. I know that after self-isolation for not long at all, even a day or two, it can feel like absolute shit to go out in the world and be with people. To show up in the midst of the storm, off-center, confused, distracted, deprived, can feel dumb, meaningless, as if it’s just not worth it.
But I’m here to say that’s an illusion. When you show up and feel these emotions and physical disruption, it’s shaking up what’s been stagnated and becoming aware of what’s already there. In fact, self-isolating, numbing out, escaping in the same pattern, over-indulging, hedonism, that’s what actually creates this junk residue within you. Getting out in the world awakens feeling, and you actually begin the hangover- the detox. Continue reading “because your presence alone is a miracle.”
I’ve been immersed in conflict. It’s part of life, but for some people more than others. I even got trained as a conflict mediator, which was one of the biggest investments I’ve ever made, to try and deal with powerless situations, and so many of them seem to be created out of nothing. I’ve lost so much, and I can’t believe what kind of person I am coming out of this. Battle scarred, given a 2nd chance.
And with new people giving me real opportunities to lead community events on play and healing trauma. And one damn good friend working on a secret project with me that could make a radical impact on the world. An employment counseling program that saved my life, with new friends who are completely authentic and appreciate my authenticity. I’ve been shrouded and nearly suffocating in the worst horror while dragging myself up to the light of miracles I never would have imagined or believed.
This comic is absurd but unintentionally reveals the core flaw in people who reject free speech (who may not even realize they’re doing it). I’m amazed that there are so many people who reduce it to government and laws and don’t at all consider it primarily a cultural value.
The aim for free speech is to create an environment with a trustful reputation, so over time it becomes clear that any one of us will be able to speak with each other, especially about important issues, without fear of being punished, hurt or ostracized.
I watched the documentary after this movie, The Big Short. The guys in charge of the government positions that controlled money like the Federal Reserve all seemed to be desperate and clueless on how to help the American people. Because pretend value was created out of nothing, and we live in a weird world where we can temporarily offset the cost of creating resources and pay for it later. But if the “resource” created is shit or not even real, when the bill comes in, we can’t pay. And before this ability to offset, if you can’t pay you don’t get the resource. That’s basic poverty. For an explanation of The Big Short and the housing crisis watch this video. Continue reading “The Big Short: Divorcing Economy from Autonomy”
Allison Bailey was one of my best friends. She died very suddenly on December 29, 2018 only 6 months ago. Recently I realized just how important our shared idea was, that she called Resource Community. Today I’m bringing the pieces together, in the name of her legacy and creating something that would have met a profound need for both of us. Continue reading “Mapping Allison’s Wonderland”
The reason I never give up is because I want to make the path so it will be that much easier for people like me who come after me, to live the meaningful life within their own values. The culture got sick because surviving and getting beyond survival is brutal and traumatizing. The culture only stays sick because people who have actually discovered healing, transformative wisdom give up.
Without wisdom, life is purposeless and complicated and creates suffering.
Withwisdom, life is hard but simple, and what suffering is here becomes the source of transformation.
I’ve realized that when you can’t actually DO anything to make a change, not doing the action that is evil is the most heroic action possible. To do nothing at all. And though you have no influence over others’ resistant beliefs, exposure to your divergent beliefs and values is enough. There will always be one or two people who hear who are struck just enough there’s a crack in the shell. And others who fully resonate with you who were hiding in plain sight. It’s sometimes very few people, but it is those few who must be completely unrelenting just in their willingness to keep existing and being the example that creates the opportunity for those in the future.
Below is my comment response to the video – Interview on Meaning, Masculinity and Responsibility with Neil Smedley & Iman Amrani of The Guardian.
The greatest flaw in focus on “success” is that it distracts us from a proper focus on character. A person of great character who lives through tragedy and failure, especially outside of his own control, is an important story. Too many people get attached to the success story and don’t bother to consider the character of the person they follow. And if some of those people get far enough down that path to discover it has no rooted meaning, that can be a real existential crisis.
One of the best people I met aimed to get as much of his resources as possible from within his own being. And after all the ways my life has been dragged through the mud due to others being unstable and unreliable, I really have no interest in the success story, especially from people who don’t understand sorrow, anger, grief- the reactions to tragedy and evil. With yin and yang, if you blind yourself to the dark parts of the world and life, you’re missing an integral half of the recipe for meaning and purpose.
After losing everything, all I have left is the proof of my character, the fact that I survived, and the chance to start over again.
Explanation of This Article
This is a story that may be hard to comprehend. It’s written chaotically, representing the strange experience of reality. It represents constant change, the unpredictable nature of living and consciousness. The mystery of how huge and strange the universe is and not knowing if there is an “end”. And it ties into the chaos of living as a human being in this life, how little control you have over anything, and yet the opportunity to play life as a game and attain self-determination. A game where, if there is suffering, disaster, and things fall the fuck apart… Continue reading “The Overwhelming Mystery of Existence, and the Choice to Be a Friend in the Flurry of Deep Dark”