That Which is Immune to Corruption

People need to realize both Bob Ross and Mr. Rogers were previously in active military roles before doing their TV shows. Imagine then watching them do as they do on TV, for so many years, being present with the art (Ross), being present with kids and a variety of people (Rogers), all while having experienced the kind of consuming total brutality of the military lifestyle, and especially war.

And even while on TV both Ross and rogers did radical things in mainstream and standardized contexts.

I realize that in most cases if you have a particularly wild message connected to the most intrinsic wisdom, that it will be incredibly simple. It will be simple and consistent, untouched by changing times and all the disasters that surround it.

You will be surrounded by people doing things that are bad, stupid, or even terribly wrong and horrible. The struggle is to find a pure method, immune to corruption, to show the light to anyone able to witness. How do you become immune to corruption?

I have a hunch, and I’ll follow it through until I see what I’ve found. I have a hunch it has to do with fear and how you respond. I’m not going to run away, I’ll witness it all, and will expose everything to the light. If the light reaches the people who need it and want it most, I’ll be invincible even if annihilated.

Admit Powerlessness to Become Liberated

At the end of 2016 I experienced a slow grinding downfall into a place of entangled, dysfunctional darkness and suffering. It was not so much a process of suffering more and getting worse, but more like lifting a veil and recognizing what was already there.

Continue reading “Admit Powerlessness to Become Liberated”

Fear Becoming Wisdom

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth” – Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart


People cover up evil, idolize beauty, and entirely ignore true peace – the ordinary.

The more things are exposed and we begin to see that disaster and evil and corruption can happen anywhere, committed by anyone, the more trust is eroded and we become wild dogs in the night, lurking and looking so cautiously around every corner ready to
jump at the slightest sound of a threat.
Continue reading “Fear Becoming Wisdom”

a prisoner and the warden speak

I celebrate everyday, for I am weightless.
I rejoice everyday, for I wake up alive,
and I get to play this game

A rare and beautiful gem,
a life that never happened before,
and will never happen again

I am the ripple in the water- brief and ageless

I am the smoke dissolving
try to grab me and I disappear
you can’t control me;
there is nothing to fear

let me go, then I can stay
when you allow everything to be,
it doesn’t have to go away

desire and rage cloud vision unclear,
gripped by your body’s being
when there’s nothing left to fear,
your ego fears the nothing

but I’ll tell you friend,
loss is liberation,
and liberation is your destiny

You tried to place me in a cage,
propelled by your lifelong misery,
yet I am resting here at peace,

so I ask of you, which of us is really free?

losing weight

I’m having a lot of fun playing the game of life recently having transcended an intensely close relationship with my own suffering, which has been the unfolding tale of the last almost two years. One of my favorite things to do in playing the game of life now is helping friends and people in my daily life. I’ve had future roommates meet in mutliple circumstances, connected friends to resources who are struggling, connected friends to good jobs and helped with resumés, have conducted research for causes friends are passionate about, have shared music and gratitude and listening to those who need it, and this is only the beginning!
A life worth living. Please, join me ~

I’ll be there with your storms and your sunny days. I’ll be the friend who loves to play, rain or shine, sleet or hail. The light within will never fail. Obscured by fog in the night, burned and thrown from the nest, groundless and turned inside out, upside down. Buried in ages of sand and grit. Uncovered again and tossed in the ocean, lost at sea. Found on shore on a new foreign plain.

Wherever the gem of buddha nature is thrown, it always stays the same. Brilliant and undamaged, your wisdom is underneath. Under all crushing suffocating experiences of no escape and groundless confusion, beneath all addictive habits imprisoning your life in a deterministic fever dream,

timeless ageless buddha nature is your companion. It is who you really are. Imagine if I could be so lucky as to be in your presence. I’d want nothing less, and nothing more.

Only the one who loses is weightless enough to fly.

everything in its right place

your suffering will be a great friend to you.
It will be there as long as you need it.
Your suffering is a small dog lost in the wild.
It needs your love and your recognition.
It has been divorced from you, it is unconscious.

Reunite, recognize you are already here,
and there is no problem.

Will you be the friend to your suffering as it has been to you?
Will you be willing to be with it as long as it needs you?
Allow it to live, and it will be ready to die.

Recognizing a Speeding Train

It’s a tragedy of our culture now to witness it fracturing, through people unable to relate beyond their ideology. All of my friends are so different from each other, but I realize now they have one thing in common. The ability to actually accept me. And for that, I continue to believe my self-determination depends on the self-determination of all who seek it.
To feel the looming presence of a very heavy moral weight shadow my every move now, I know not where to turn next. I too was born into the middle of the story, many generations after many people made moral sacrifices and choices very different from what I would have done.

The train is speeding towards a cliff, and I’m beginning to realize how much it continues because the passengers want it to, not because they are intimidated by the driver. I wonder if I am the only passenger that even knows what is really happening. If I ask anyone, some people deny it’s true, other people say the train is supposed to go off the cliff; others say the driver is the reason we’re saved. And still, most people turn away and look out the window at the trees.

I didn’t build the train, I’ve never met the driver. None of the passengers invented the tracks or travel. Yet here we’ve been born, we live and die, our lives determined by everything built before it. And we will gift the inheritance of our actions to our children.

And then in a moment on an ordinary day, I put my hand to the window and it popped open, and I became friends with the wind. I could jump off the train and see if there was something beyond the door.

My enemies’ success is my success, my failure is my enemies’ failure. If the only reason the passengers turn and look away is because everyone is doing it, let me be one less person to do the wrong thing. To be a victim in this existence. I am liberated and embracing the visceral uncertainty in my life, and the likelihood of things falling apart. It is a worthy life to live, in complete willingness to do what is right, even if I am the only one.