a glimpse of fundamental rarity

My underlying motivation and value has to do with purpose, meaning, and playing a game with abundance and depth. At a certain point, I could just keep asking why endlessly until I end up in a kind of nihilistic state (if I were to go unconscious), or end up watching it all fall apart into mush and laugh about it as I usually do.

This illuminates why I define and describe life as a game- this is the answer I have for not knowing the ultimate why. There may be no ultimate why. Life arises, and we are living creatures as part of something far bigger than us. This far bigger thing may just happen, and it might not have a why or ask why the way human beings do. Who knows what it is, how it happens, and what led to us existing. Thus, in some ways, it could be absurd to ask why. Asking why might actually make no sense at all, but the human mind struggles with its own way of experiencing life, by wanting to project that experience onto everything. This leads the mind to ask why? Why am I alive? Why do I do anything? Why do anything at all?

Most of life, over many lifetimes, across many species, has spent all its time playing the game of survival. Life itself was the game. Survival was winning, winning was happening simply by continuing to live. Losing was inevitable. Thus, there are two ways to define this reality. One is the genetic game- to win by reproducing even though you will die; your genes will live on. Your legacy will continue. The other way is to recognize your life happening at all as the win, and immortality as the ruse. To live forever, to continue winning, and never lose, is not the game we are playing. It would be insanity, a denial of reality.

So the two stories of life are either to win through your legacy- what you leave behind, or win through your surrender to the experience that will not last. This is the duality of the finite and infinite, almost a paradox or an irony, considering you could embrace both of these stories. You do not last forever, nothing does. Even the audience of your story will die too, and the story itself eventually lost in the wind. So in some ways, all you have is here right now, this life, this experience. And if this is true, then everyone you meet has solely their experience here right now. And that means every moment and every person is profoundly rare- the only one of its kind, the only time it has ever happened, the only time it ever will.

When you catch a glimpse of fundamental rarity, it might scare you and seem to say life is tragic and futile. You can win many times over, but you will die, you will lose someday, a loss that cannot be undone. None of it lasts forever, it all goes away. But, this glimpse of fundamental rarity is the chance to wake up- take it as if you’ve opened the door a tiny bit, now you can open it fully and experience the wonder of IMPERMANENCE. If you are the only one of your kind, you have never happened before, and will never happen again. How could this be a tragedy? How could this be anything but a gift? After all stories are lost in the wind, all our records turn to dust, and the last of our audience has died, all that will have happened is our experience of this one and only life, at this very moment.

Here and now is what we have.
The only question left, is what you choose to do with it.

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