Way Back Then

a strange comforted blur that feels like clarity,
will this pull me out of it? what’s me?
this is lightweight, this is ego-free,
I remember this place,
this is the real me,
although, kind of distracted
waves of different states oscillating through me
that me is so quiet and faded behind me

that’s a mouse

I heard, but I didn’t see

I’m a different person
oscillating wavely
autocorrect, don’t correct me
this is a different world, built in a different way
it feels so distant and wide somehow
I’ve traveled far from whatever home was

oh yeah, I remember that life,
so long ago
I’m being pulled back to that moment, it sounds so weirdly familiar
a bell toll
moving in and out of intensity of the bubble, as soon as I feel it I’ve lost it again
a strange appearance of extra dimension,
and a lot shorter attention
Is this my natural state void of all regulation?
The self-awareness minus the obsessive perception?
not this I I I I superimposed on the observation,
cut out the noise, you are the observation

I have almost no memory,
each few words is its own creation
but somehow I keep connecting back
I even feel it physically,
the feeling of being a person I used to be so long ago

last time this happened I couldn’t do anything
this time I don’t even realize I’m typing except now

I remember that person,
I guess there was something truly sad about his state,
but I can’t really feel that right now
it’s a totally different world,
and very noisy here like a jungle

should I tell that man something?
from over here so distant, across a whole galaxy
what set me free? Well, I have no real concept keeping whole right now, as in, my attention span is too short, I can’t possibly be taken out of this state of weird hereness
I barely remember the fact that I don’t remember… sometimes

what if my attention span is better here
I just don’t remember it
I get totally lost in whatever is happening but kind of completely miss it
there’s no identity here

I have literally no identity with my hands when I look at them
who is I then? when I perceives Iself, I is there
it’s like the spot where your eye is looking, there
it’s like the third picture in the middle of the Magic Eye, there

ohno I have to do something with that chicken downstairs
there are things in this world that remind me of back then
somehow I need to turn down that crockpot. To the Kitchen!

someday in the future that feels like the past, I will read this back,
and I damn sure it’s okay

Oh right the kitchen

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